Preparing for Separation and Divorce

AvatarDonna E. Van Scoy, Principal

It is wise to meet with a divorce attorney, if possible, before your separation. If not, do so close to your separation.

Obtaining information about the process and having your questions answered helps with the stress and uncertainty. It also enables you to participate in how your divorce will proceed.

To locate an attorney communicate with your family, friends, co-workers, professional contacts, and community contacts. You can also search the internet for divorce lawyers and lawyer organizations that provide information about divorce lawyers. You will be spending a lot of time and sharing personal information with your attorney. Be sure you feel that you are being listened to and your questions are being answered. Be sure you are comfortable with your attorney.

If you have a child(ren) you will need to be prepared to discuss the legal and physical custody of the child(ren). Legal custody is the parental decision making regarding the child(ren) and their health, education and welfare. Physical custody is where and when the child(ren) will have custodial access with each parent. Child support is also a topic. As is which parent will remain in the family home or if both will relocate.

Depending on the length of the marriage and the financial picture of each party, alimony can be an issue. Review your monthly household expenses. Be prepared to discuss your family lifestyle. If you are a stay at home parent, you will need to share you educational background and work history. If you are the parent who provides the financial support for the family (or the majority of the financial support), be prepared to share each parent’s contributions and your position on the future financial contribution of the other parent. If you and your spouse are a two career family, be prepared to discuss the finances moving forward and the needs of each household.

Consider bringing three to five years of tax returns to your initial consult. Preparing a document that sets out all of you and your spouse’s assets is helpful in providing you with a complete and working picture. When preparing the document include all houses, land, vehicles, bank accounts (separate and joint), credit cards, debts, retirement accounts, investment accounts, stocks, art, jewelry, inheritance, and any others accounts or items of value. Provide all information. The attorney can help you determine what is important.

If you are not in a place to do the pre-work above, an attorney can still obtain your factual information, ask questions to fill in the blanks and share the law with you. They can assist you in putting your information together and prepare you to begin the divorce process. An attorney can also discuss the options available to secure your divorce. They will provide you information on negotiation, mediation, collaborative law, arbitration, and litigation.

For more information, contact Donna at 301-610-0110 or devanscoy@lerchearly.com.

The Truth Will Set You Free: Why Credibility is Currency in Divorce and Custody Cases

AvatarErik Arena, Principal

Most of us have done things we are embarrassed about or ashamed of — things we would rather not share in polite company, for fear of being judged.  We omit, shade, deflect or deny for the sake of maintaining appearances. 

This tendency surfaces frequently in family law courtrooms across Maryland and the District of Columbia, where judges and magistrates are, in fact, tasked with assessing the fitness and credibility of spouses and parents every day. Spouses and parents must decide, sometimes rather quickly, whether or not to tell the unvarnished truth about themselves, or a glossier, filtered version. All too often, they choose poorly. 

Why? For two reasons:

  1. Each lie of avoidance, omission, or denial erodes your credibility with the Court, which can be very hard to overcome in totality

Of course, the goal is to put yourself in the best light. However, that is done by being honest – not be being beyond reproach. Simply put, it is better to present to the Court as an honest, flawed person, than one who is untruthful. This applies to just about everything not otherwise protected by the 5th Amendment privilege against self-incrimination. 

Believe it or not, the Court has heard it all at one time or another. And none of us is perfect. A few lies, denials, or omissions, particularly those that are verifiably false, can be enough to taint the Court’s impression of your overall character for truthfulness and place a cloud over all of your testimony [and future testimony in future actions]. That can be far more costly than the embarrassment, humiliation, or damage done by admitting your mistakes. 

  • In family law cases, many important facts cannot be corroborated by independent testimony or documents, meaning key issues can be decided solely based on the credibility of the parties. 

Trying to wallpaper over character flaws with deceit can have grave consequences for other important factual determinations that, oftentimes, must be based solely on a party versus party credibility assessment [due to the absence of corroborating testimony or documents]. 

So, what kinds of critical fact determinations can end up being made solely based on credibility? I have listed a few examples below to illustrate their magnitude:

  • Who did the majority of the parenting during the children’s formative years;
  • Whether or not you told your spouse it was ok not to go back to work;
  • Whether or not the money you received from your spouse’s parents to buy your first home was a gift to your spouse or to you and your spouse;
  • Whether or not your or your spouse’s spending was a cause for friction during the marriage;
  • Whether or not you had an affair years ago, or even recently (for more on this, check out the blog post from my colleague Liz Estephan: “You Committed Adultery. Now Tell Your Divorce Lawyer.“;
  • Whether or not the cash you withdrew from your joint checking account was spent on family expenses or other, less beneficial purposes;
  • Whether or not the money you wired to family was discussed with your spouse prior to so doing;
  • Whether or not you drank to excess or used illicit substances;
  • Whether or not you humiliated or belittled your spouse or children in private. 

As you can see, being dishonest in some areas, or several, can call into question the credibility of the testimony you will give on other, more weighty facts critical to the Court’s determinations of property, alimony, or child custody. 

So, when faced with telling the (perhaps) ugly truth or saying what you think the Court wants to hear, there really isn’t a choice. Only by being truthful can you mitigate the damage done to the Court’s assessment of your character and, consequently, the merits of your case. The slope is far steeper and slipperier for those lacking in candor.

For more information, contact Erik at eparena@lerchearly.com or 301-657-0725.