Preparing for Separation and Divorce

AvatarDonna E. Van Scoy, Principal

It is wise to meet with a divorce attorney, if possible, before your separation. If not, do so close to your separation.

Obtaining information about the process and having your questions answered helps with the stress and uncertainty. It also enables you to participate in how your divorce will proceed.

To locate an attorney communicate with your family, friends, co-workers, professional contacts, and community contacts. You can also search the internet for divorce lawyers and lawyer organizations that provide information about divorce lawyers. You will be spending a lot of time and sharing personal information with your attorney. Be sure you feel that you are being listened to and your questions are being answered. Be sure you are comfortable with your attorney.

If you have a child(ren) you will need to be prepared to discuss the legal and physical custody of the child(ren). Legal custody is the parental decision making regarding the child(ren) and their health, education and welfare. Physical custody is where and when the child(ren) will have custodial access with each parent. Child support is also a topic. As is which parent will remain in the family home or if both will relocate.

Depending on the length of the marriage and the financial picture of each party, alimony can be an issue. Review your monthly household expenses. Be prepared to discuss your family lifestyle. If you are a stay at home parent, you will need to share you educational background and work history. If you are the parent who provides the financial support for the family (or the majority of the financial support), be prepared to share each parent’s contributions and your position on the future financial contribution of the other parent. If you and your spouse are a two career family, be prepared to discuss the finances moving forward and the needs of each household.

Consider bringing three to five years of tax returns to your initial consult. Preparing a document that sets out all of you and your spouse’s assets is helpful in providing you with a complete and working picture. When preparing the document include all houses, land, vehicles, bank accounts (separate and joint), credit cards, debts, retirement accounts, investment accounts, stocks, art, jewelry, inheritance, and any others accounts or items of value. Provide all information. The attorney can help you determine what is important.

If you are not in a place to do the pre-work above, an attorney can still obtain your factual information, ask questions to fill in the blanks and share the law with you. They can assist you in putting your information together and prepare you to begin the divorce process. An attorney can also discuss the options available to secure your divorce. They will provide you information on negotiation, mediation, collaborative law, arbitration, and litigation.

For more information, contact Donna at 301-610-0110 or devanscoy@lerchearly.com.

The Do’s and Don’ts of Telling Your Children Their Parents are Getting Divorced

AvatarDonna E. Van Scoy, Principal

Few couples marry with the thought that someday they will be divorced. Fewer couples have children with the thought that they will be children of divorce.

Despite parties’ intentions, divorces happen. If you have children and decide to divorce, PLEASE make every effort to work together to tell your children you are getting divorce. Your children will remember how they found out their parents were getting divorced. Your children will remember how each parent told them or if a parent did not discuss the divorce with them. Your children will remember how each parent acted during the divorce. PLEASE put your children first when telling them their parents are divorcing.

Whether your children are five, 18, or somewhere in between, you are their parent, their mom or dad. They need you to be the adult during this emotional time in their lives. You and your spouse will also be dealing with your own real and raw emotions. Every effort needs to be made to work together regarding the information your children receive so it is consistent and they do not become involved in the details of the divorce.

DON’TS:

  1. Do not race to be the first parent to tell your children that their dad or mom is leaving the family. There is no need to tell your children that their mom or dad is having an affair. There is no need to tell your children that dad or mom is unhappy and wants to go live their own life.
  2. Do not refuse to allow your children to communicate or see their parent because your spouse hurt you or they are being unreasonable in the divorce. Nothing good can come out of you refusing to allow your children to attend an important family event with their other parent because it is you “time.” Remember your children are part of each of their parent’s families. Your children love both of their parents and both sides of their family.
  3. Do not share details of the family finances with your children. Do not specifically blame the other parent as a reason they cannot have something or do something.  While better not to address, if necessary, come up with joint and consistent statements to the children about financial issues.
  4. Do not use your child(ren), no matter how old they are or how much they offer, as a sounding board to discuss the divorce. It is important during your divorce to have a support person and/or group. That person or group cannot be your child(ren). Look to organized groups, a therapist, friends, and relatives (minus the children).
  5. Do not ever share any written documents or Court documents concerning your divorce with your children. It does not matter how old your children are they are still the children and the document is still sharing information about their Mom and Dad.

DO’S:

  1. Love your children more than you dislike your spouse. You children deserve to hear that each parent loves them and that the love will not change because of the divorce. They need to hear the divorce was not their fault.
  2. If possible, tell your children together with your spouse about the divorce. For suggestions on how to talk to your children consider speaking to their pediatrician, a therapist, reading articles, and/or reading a book. Investigate the best way to communicate with your children depending on their age. Determine if you should tell all your children together or separate. If as parents you cannot tell your children together, agree on a plan of how, when, and what to tell them separately. Don’t ignore their questions and answer them in an age appropriate manner. Share with your spouse details of the discussion.
  3. Allow your children to take their possessions (including clothing, outerwear, uniforms, and shoes) between households. Respect the other parent and children by timely returning and sharing the possessions. If important to the children and possible, allow the family pet to travel with the children. Be extra patient with your children as they learn to move between homes. Both parents need to work together when items are forgotten or misplaced.
  4. Observe your children. It is possible they may need and/or benefit from seeing a therapist. If you are unsure but concerned, contact their pediatrician, teacher, and/or school counselor. Also, speak with your spouse.
  5. Spend quality time with your children. This will be a hard time for you and your children. Spending time together will help you and will help your children. Making new memories allows everyone to move forward.

For more information, contact Donna at 301-610-0110 or devanscoy@lerchearly.com.

Casey Florance Admitted to Fellowship in the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers

AvatarDonna E. Van Scoy, Principal

Divorce attorney Casey Florance has been admitted to fellowship in the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers (AAML).

One of only 35 Fellows throughout Maryland, Casey is now among those generally recognized by lawyers and judges as preeminent family law practitioners with the highest level of knowledge, skill, and integrity.

For more information, see the AAML website: https://aaml.org/page/WhyAAML.

Casey Florance is a family law and divorce attorney who represents clients in all aspects of family law, including separation, divorce, custody, property, support, post-judgment issues, and domestic violence matters in Maryland.

My Spouse and I Have a Verbal Agreement. What is the Quickest Way to Obtain a Divorce in Maryland?

AvatarDonna E. Van Scoy, Principal

The short answer is: it depends.

Obtaining a divorce in a short marriage with no children and few, if any, assets is very different than a long marriage with children and assets. Then there are marriages in between the short marriage and the long marriage with combinations of no children or children and a variety of assets.

A logical first step is to contact a lawyer. While you and your spouse have reached a verbal agreement and are working together, a lawyer cannot represent both parties in Maryland. No matter your level of cooperation and intentions, you and your spouse can easily have conflicts of interests in a divorce. So one or both of you should to consult with a lawyer.

Moving the Process Forward

  1. Be open to the fact that you and your spouse may not have considered every issue that needs to be addressed in your divorce. It is possible that what you agreed to with your spouse will negatively affect your rights. A lawyer will explain the law, review your agreement, and identify any issues. TIP: Do not sign any agreement with your spouse before reviewing with a lawyer.
  2. Both you and your spouse should each meet with a lawyer. While you have the right to obtain your divorce without the assistance of counsel, in my experience that can result in delay and greater expenses than securing legal advice at the beginning of the process. If your spouse does not want a lawyer, you can be the party that moves the divorce along. However, your lawyer will need to recommend to your spouse (in writing) that they obtain counsel. Your lawyer could provide two or three names of other counsel for you to share with your spouse. Then hopefully your spouse will also seek counsel, or at the very least your spouse could review the final agreement with an attorney.
  3. To assist in the evaluation of your case, come prepared to your initial consult. Write down what you believe is your agreement with your spouse. Bring a list of all your assets including current values and any debt associated with the assets. Bring a copy of your current mortgage statement, your last three years of tax returns, your last three paystubs and, if possible, your spouse’s last three paystubs. If there are children consider how you and your spouse will parent your children and what the children’s schedule will be with each parent.
  4. Once you have all the information necessary to propose a settlement to your spouse, a Separation Agreement will need to be drafted. Your spouse (and counsel) will need to review and approve the agreement. If both of you continue to cooperate with each other in the spirit of divorcing as quickly as possible, the Separation Agreement could be completed and executed as soon as your lawyer can draft the agreement and your spouse can review and approve. While it can be longer or shorter, the average completion of an agreement is 30 to 60 days.
  5. The next step is to file a complaint for an uncontested divorce. Your spouse has to be served and has up to 30 days to file an answer. The fastest ground for the divorce is a Mutual Consent. You and your spouse can speed up the answer time up by working to file the complaint and answer at the same time or together.
  6. The court will then schedule an uncontested hearing. The moving party (the one who files) and their lawyer need to be present. The other party (and their lawyer) can also be present. During COVID19 the hearing is being held remotely. While these are uncertain times, the hearing is normally scheduled in four to eight weeks. The divorced is usually finalized in within 14 days.

The information above depends on a settlement being reached and the parties truly working together. Each case is different. Contested cases can take anywhere from a year or two, or more. Again, involving a lawyer once you start considering a divorce will help you have the information you need to manage your divorce as efficiently as possible.

Chris Roberts Admitted to Fellowship in the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers

AvatarDonna E. Van Scoy, Principal

Divorce attorney Chris Roberts has been admitted to fellowship in the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers (AAML).

One of only 34 Fellows throughout Maryland, Chris is now among those generally recognized by lawyers and judges as preeminent family law practitioners with the highest level of knowledge, skill, and integrity.

For more information, see the AAML website: https://aaml.org/page/WhyAAML.

Chris Roberts is a family law and divorce attorney who represents clients in all aspects of family law, including separation, divorce, custody, property, support, post-judgment issues, and domestic violence matters in Maryland. 

Are You a Stay-at-Home Parent?

In a Divorce, You Should Consider These Five Tips

AvatarDonna E. Van Scoy, Principal

In the event of a divorce, the stay-at-home parent often feels the negative impact of the decision of who stays with the kids.

Marriage is hard and requires continued work to be successful. Even with hard work and commitment, not every marriage succeeds. According to Earth & World, 46% of marriages in the United States fail. If you are going to be the stay-at-home parent who becomes the financially dependent spouse, consider the following tips to protect your future (and your children’s future).

  1. Manage the family money/assets or at the very least be fully aware of the family money/assets. Communicate regularly about the finances and assets (monthly or quarterly is best).
  2. Where possible be sure all assets are joint assets with both names appearing on accounts, titles, and deeds.
    1. Find a vehicle to establish a retirement account for yourself.
    2. If your family works with a financial planner, establish at the beginning that all communication are to be sent to both you and your spouse and that you both will be involved in any meetings (including phone calls/texts).
  3. Read and fully understand your state and federal tax returns before they are submitted. If you have questions, make sure they are answered.
  4. If you have a profession, take the steps to remain relevant in your field.
  5. Maintain or create contacts outside of your spouse. Be aware of your spouse’s work world and participate where appropriate.

Being an active spouse in the financial part of your marriage helps to ensure you have the necessary knowledge to assist your attorney, allows you to contribute to settlement discussions, and ensures your ability to move forward in the event of a divorce.

How to Manage Stress During Your Divorce

AvatarDonna E. Van Scoy, Principal

Few events in life pack a bigger emotional gut punch than separation or divorce.

Before, during, and after the legal process, you should expect to experience denial, anger, bargaining, and depression before you can move on to acceptance. These are normal emotions, and can be true even if both parties agree to the divorce. The grief surrounding a divorce and separation will be different for each person – some experience the full emotional spectrum while others only a piece of it. It is imperative during this time to educate yourself and practice self-care. It will be key to allowing you to successfully move forward with your life. 

Here are five things to remember and consider as you contemplate, begin, and complete your divorce:

1. Accept the Stress. Be honest with yourself. If you are dealing with a life event, such as divorce, stress is part of the process. An important first step is to acknowledge the stress.

2. Seek the Advice of Professionals. Securing an attorney will assist you in understanding the process and the law. Educating yourself about the process and the law will help to reduce your stress. It is important to be comfortable with your attorney. Be sure to be completely honest with your attorney. The attorney can only advise you based on the information you provide. 

An attorney is not a therapist. While they understand what you are dealing with emotionally, their job is to represent you legally. While not everyone needs a therapist during a life event, it is wise to do a check-in with a therapist to determine, with their help, whether a therapist should play a role in your stress management. Having someone to share your truths, concerns, and fears with that is not a friend or family member is often beneficial. Your attorney can help you locate a suitable therapist in your price range. 

3. Identify and Use Support. In addition to the professionals, identify a friend and family member who can and will listen to your day to day struggles. Be careful to avoid sharing the details of your divorce with everyone. Do not discuss your divorce with your children, even if they are grown. 

Speak to your therapist, family, friends, or do a computer search to find a local support group. It can be very helpful to share your story with others in the same situation. It is also useful to listen to others going through a separation and divorce.

4. Exercise Self-care. Each person has their own favorite activities or hobbies. It is important to allow time for yourself. Exercise, sleep, and eating well will be important. Go to the spa, go to the gym, or get a massage. Take a break to go fishing, golfing, or antiquing. Read a book, watch a movie or take photographs. Or try yoga. 

There are several ways to practice self-care. Caring for yourself will be critical. Set aside regular time and use it to relax in whatever way works for you.

5. There Will be Bad Days and Good Days. During this process you will experience both bad days and good days. In the beginning, the bad days will outnumber the good days. Some periods of time will be worse than others. Like the stress itself, acknowledge and accept the bad days. Using the steps above will lead to the good days starting to outnumber the bad days.

The separation process will come to an end. A resolution will occur. You will be divorced.  Most importantly, you will move forward.