Why You and Your Divorce Attorney Should Develop a Personal Relationship

Chris RobertsChris Roberts, Principal

I’ve always enjoyed the movie Jerry Maguire. Jerry is a sports agent representing Rod Tidwell, a bombastic, energetic, life-loving NFL wide receiver. Part of the appeal of the movie is the relationship between Rod and Jerry. Rod leaves no doubt about his professional goals (SHOW ME THE MONEY JERRY!!!!), but he has to navigate personal and professional challenges to make them happen. Rod is Jerry’s client, but his relationship with Jerry seems more than that. Throughout the film, Rod must rely on his relationship with Jerry to lead him to the promised land.

I’m not here to tell you that all of our clients are going to cry, yell at, and hug their divorce attorney, nor am I suggesting your attorney should model him or herself after Jerry Maguire. In many ways, however, a successful attorney-client relationship may look more like Rod and Jerry’s than many of your other professional relationships. Here’s how.

You need a personal relationship with your attorney

Speaking for myself and I am sure many others in my profession, we do this work because we actually want to help people. Yes, we are professionals, and we focus intensely on protecting the things our clients value most. But our jobs also often requires us to know the most intimate details of our client’s lives, facts that they may not share with anyone one else, ever.

Our clients come to trust and rely on us, not only to keep their confidence, but also to help manage the most difficult and valuable parts of their lives. A relationship like this doesn’t come into existence overnight, and it requires a personal investment, from the attorney and the client. The relationship takes time to build, through meetings, phone calls, emails, Zoom chats, court hearings, and more. Regardless of how you build it, a successful relationship requires effort, time, mutual understanding, and respect.

Trust and honesty are critical to a successful attorney-client relationship

Divorces are usually among the most difficult experiences of a person’s life, and they can sometimes take months or longer to complete. There is often a high degree of conflict, there are frequently multiple and simultaneous dispute resolution processes at work, and there are always unwanted or unexpected developments.

The twists and turns that occur don’t have to be disastrous for the outcome of a person’s divorce, but they will undoubtedly require trust and teamwork to overcome. The client should expect his or her attorney to be up front and honest about unwanted or unexpected developments, mistakes, delays, or bad results. These things happen in life in the best circumstances, and they happen in divorces too. It is critical to identify issues as they arise, communicate them openly and directly, and come up with a plan.

Good attorneys excel in these moments and clients should trust and rely on them to help move things forward in a constructive and positive manner.

Allow your attorney to help you define and pursue your goals

A divorce shouldn’t define you, but it is a milestone, and hopefully one that allows you to redefine your life direction and goals so that you can become the best possible version of you.

In order to move constructively through the divorce process and confidently on to a better life, it is essential to develop your life goals and objectives for the mid- and long-term. Without this direction, it is all too easy to become stuck in the morass of the divorce process, and to forget that divorce should be an event that you put in your rearview mirror as soon as possible. Maintaining focus on your goals will allow you to make the compromises in your divorce that are necessary to end that chapter of your life and move forward to the life that awaits.

Spend some time early in the divorce process discussing your goals with your attorney, and identify the key components you believe are necessary to accomplish your goals. Once you’ve done this, don’t allow yourself to lose track of your goals. Revisit them, and talk with your lawyer to assess your progress, and whether your goals remain viable and attainable. Don’t be afraid to adapt and adjust your goals as you go.

If you have developed the sort of attorney-client relationship I’ve suggested, you will find that your lawyer will be a valuable resource in helping you stay on the path to the life you want to live.