You Committed Adultery. Now Tell Your Divorce Lawyer.

Liz EstephanLiz Estephan, Attorney

You and your spouse are on the cusp of getting a divorce or are already in the midst of the divorce process. You’ve been unfaithful, but are unsure if your spouse is aware. Do you admit you committed adultery? When do you admit you committed adultery? Should you tell your lawyer? When do you tell your lawyer?

These are all valid questions and concerns. You should be upfront and honest with your lawyer about past transgressions.

Your lawyer cannot properly defend or protect you if you are not honest with him or her. Be straightforward, do not try and sugarcoat what you did or did not do. You didn’t hire a lawyer to judge you and he or she should not — it’s not his or her job. Your lawyer’s job is to zealously advocate on your behalf.

However, your lawyer cannot do so if he or she is unaware of all the facts of your case. If your lawyer is aware of your transgressions, he or she is able to better control the narrative and will decide if or when there is a proper time to divulge the information to your spouse.

If you are not upfront with your lawyer, you could make strategic mistakes that have repercussions in litigation. For example, your answer to your spouse’s Complaint and Answers to Interrogatories must be signed under penalty of perjury. If you deny outright that you committed adultery under oath, you committed perjury.

Also, your spouse may have evidence that demonstrates you did indeed commit adultery and could use it against you at trial or another evidentiary hearing. If so, your credibility will be severely undermined in front of a judge and in turn, could have a detrimental effect on your case.

Don’t hide the truth about adultery from your lawyer. Being honest with your lawyer is to your benefit.

For more information, contact Liz at 301-907-2811 or erestephan@lerchearly.com.

Should I Borrow or Accept Money from Family While Getting Divorced?

Erin KopelmanErin Kopelman, Principal

Cash flow is a common concern for most people going through separation or divorce. Many clients ask me if they can accept or borrow money from family.

While accepting or borrowing money from family may seem like an economical option because it often does not require a loan agreement, interest, penalties or preapproval, it can actually have unintended and potentially harmful consequences on the remaining aspects of your divorce.

Gifts from Family

Two issues that arise when you receive gifts from your family to pay expenses if you are divorcing are: (1) those gifts can be considered income to you; and (2) that gift, had you not spent it, would be yours to keep in divorce and not divided with your spouse.

First, gifts from your family received during the marriage, especially if given routinely, can be included and counted as your income in divorce.  The gifts can increase your income for purposes of determining alimony and child support, with the potential effect of requiring you to pay more or receive less alimony and/or child support. Also, the gifts can be considered in the equitable division of marital property. Therefore, receiving gifts from family may have a negative impact on you in the outcome of your divorce as it relates to alimony, child support and the equitable division of marital property.

Second, gifts from your family to you individually during the marriage are your sole, separate and non-marital property. Generally, if you can prove the source of the gift is from your family and that it is not comingled with marital property, then you keep gift, and it does not get divided between you and your spouse in divorce. If you receive gifts from your family, you should not spend them. You should instead keep them and not comingle them with marital property. For steps on how to protect gifts from family, check out this article on Steps to Protect Your Inheritance and Gifts Received from Third Parties.

Assume that you’re getting divorced, there is $50,000 in marital funds, you need to pay bills of $20,000, and your parents give you $20,000. You have two options. In Option A, you spend the $20,000 gift from your parents. In divorce, you and your spouse will equitably divide the remaining marital funds of $50,000, so you and your spouse will each get approximately $25,000 in marital funds. In Option B, you preserve the $20,000 gift from your parents and do not comingle it with marital funds, and you pay the $20,000 in bills from marital funds. In divorce, you and your spouse will equitably divide the remaining marital funds of $30,000, so you and your spouse will each get approximately $15,000 in marital funds, and you will keep $20,000 from your parents. So, while your spouse ends up with $15,000, you end up with $35,000. You are better off with Option B.  Therefore, if you need money, spend marital money first, rather than gifts from family.  Preserve and do not spend the gifts from your family.

Loans from Family

Two issues that arise if you receive loans from your family to pay expenses in divorce are: (1) you may be left solely responsible for those loans; and (2) loans from family may not be given as much weight as other debts.

First, you are likely to be left solely responsible for the debts you incur in your sole name.

Maryland Courts cannot allocate debts, so after divorce you will be solely responsible for the debts in your name. D.C. Courts can distribute debts accumulated during the marriage, but there are no guarantees in court. If you are getting divorce and individually borrow money from your family to pay bills, the remaining and unspent marital property will be equitably divided. While debt is considered in the equitable division of marital property, in Maryland you will be left responsible for the debts in your individual name, and in D.C. you could be. So, when possible, it is better to spend marital property rather than taking a loan.

Assume that you’re getting divorced in Maryland, there is $50,000 in marital funds, and you need $20,000 to pay bills. You have two options. In Option A, you take a loan for $20,000. In this situation, at the time of divorce you and your spouse will each equitably divide the remaining marital funds of $50,000, so in divorce you and your spouse will each likely get $25,000 each, but you have a $20,000 loan that you are solely responsible for. In actuality, this leaves you with only $5,000 net and your spouse with $25,000 net. In Option B, you pay the $20,000 from the $50,000 marital funds. This leaves $30,000 remaining in marital funds, so in the divorce you and your spouse will each likely get $15,000 each. You are better off with Option B. Therefore, if you need money, spend marital money first before you take a loan.

Second, if you are taking a loan, it is up to the Court how much to weigh the evidence in their ultimate decision when equitably dividing the marital property (and in D.C. when also equitably dividing the debts accumulated during the marriage). Courts may be less likely to heavily weigh debts from family, as opposed to debts from banks or on credit cards. Therefore, if incurring a debt is necessary, then consider getting a debt from a bank or putting it on a credit card. If you choose to get a loan from family, then you should at a minimum sign a note or other loan document confirming the money is a loan and the repayment terms.

In summary, you are likely better off spending marital assets, as opposed to spending money from family, whether gifts or loans because whatever marital assets are left will be divided between you and your spouse. If you do need money and cannot access marital funds, then I suggest you take a loan, rather than spending gift money, and check out my article Should I Get a Loan While Getting Divorced? 

Each case is different, so if you find yourself needing money, you should consult a family law attorney. At Lerch, Early & Brewer, we guide our clients through the day-to-day decisions they have to make in the divorce process so that they make decisions that are in their best interests. 

For more information, contact Erin at 301-347-1261 or elkopelman@lerchearly.com.

Donna Van Scoy Honored as One of Maryland’s Top 100 Women by The Daily Record

Family Law GroupFamily Law Group

Divorce attorney Donna Van Scoy has been selected as one of Maryland’s Top 100 Women by The Daily Record.

According to The Daily Record, “Maryland’s Top 100 Women recognizes high-achieving Maryland women who are making an impact through their leadership, community service and mentoring. Winners are selected by past Top 100 Women and business leaders.”

A highly regarded member of the family law bar, Donna also made this list in 2013.  Additionally, The Daily Record previously recognized Donna as a Leader in Law. 

Click here to read the full release: https://www.lerchearly.com/news/donna-van-scoy-honored-as-one-of-marylands-top-100-women-by-the-daily-record

My Spouse and I Have a Verbal Agreement. What is the Quickest Way to Obtain a Divorce in Maryland?

AvatarDonna E. Van Scoy, Principal

The short answer is: it depends.

Obtaining a divorce in a short marriage with no children and few, if any, assets is very different than a long marriage with children and assets. Then there are marriages in between the short marriage and the long marriage with combinations of no children or children and a variety of assets.

A logical first step is to contact a lawyer. While you and your spouse have reached a verbal agreement and are working together, a lawyer cannot represent both parties in Maryland. No matter your level of cooperation and intentions, you and your spouse can easily have conflicts of interests in a divorce. So one or both of you should to consult with a lawyer.

Moving the Process Forward

  1. Be open to the fact that you and your spouse may not have considered every issue that needs to be addressed in your divorce. It is possible that what you agreed to with your spouse will negatively affect your rights. A lawyer will explain the law, review your agreement, and identify any issues. TIP: Do not sign any agreement with your spouse before reviewing with a lawyer.
  2. Both you and your spouse should each meet with a lawyer. While you have the right to obtain your divorce without the assistance of counsel, in my experience that can result in delay and greater expenses than securing legal advice at the beginning of the process. If your spouse does not want a lawyer, you can be the party that moves the divorce along. However, your lawyer will need to recommend to your spouse (in writing) that they obtain counsel. Your lawyer could provide two or three names of other counsel for you to share with your spouse. Then hopefully your spouse will also seek counsel, or at the very least your spouse could review the final agreement with an attorney.
  3. To assist in the evaluation of your case, come prepared to your initial consult. Write down what you believe is your agreement with your spouse. Bring a list of all your assets including current values and any debt associated with the assets. Bring a copy of your current mortgage statement, your last three years of tax returns, your last three paystubs and, if possible, your spouse’s last three paystubs. If there are children consider how you and your spouse will parent your children and what the children’s schedule will be with each parent.
  4. Once you have all the information necessary to propose a settlement to your spouse, a Separation Agreement will need to be drafted. Your spouse (and counsel) will need to review and approve the agreement. If both of you continue to cooperate with each other in the spirit of divorcing as quickly as possible, the Separation Agreement could be completed and executed as soon as your lawyer can draft the agreement and your spouse can review and approve. While it can be longer or shorter, the average completion of an agreement is 30 to 60 days.
  5. The next step is to file a complaint for an uncontested divorce. Your spouse has to be served and has up to 30 days to file an answer. The fastest ground for the divorce is a Mutual Consent. You and your spouse can speed up the answer time up by working to file the complaint and answer at the same time or together.
  6. The court will then schedule an uncontested hearing. The moving party (the one who files) and their lawyer need to be present. The other party (and their lawyer) can also be present. During COVID19 the hearing is being held remotely. While these are uncertain times, the hearing is normally scheduled in four to eight weeks. The divorced is usually finalized in within 14 days.

The information above depends on a settlement being reached and the parties truly working together. Each case is different. Contested cases can take anywhere from a year or two, or more. Again, involving a lawyer once you start considering a divorce will help you have the information you need to manage your divorce as efficiently as possible.